Have you ever wondered why some people succeed in places where others who might have even higher IQs seem to stumble? Do you think to get ahead in life, all you need is to be smarter than others? Well, Daniel Goleman has the answer. In his book, Emotional Intelligence, he says that what sets people apart is not actually their IQ but how intelligent they are emotionally, which we call EQ. It is our ability to understand and manage our own emotions and the emotions of others. Goleman argues that this emotional intelligence is a crucial factor in success, both personally and professionally. In the book, he shows over and over again how EQ is a much better predictor of success than IQ. Even though the message of the book was really good, and I think is very helpful in life, the book itself is not well written and it’s unnecessarily long. I did read it from the beginning to the end and there was a lot of repetition, so I wouldn’t recommend you do it.
In this summary, I’ll share with you three key lessons that I learned from the book.
Key Lesson #1: Emotions are like your inner guide, but they can go out of control
Think of emotions as strong signals telling us what to do. It’s like nature's way of helping us survive. For example, when we are angry, our heart rate goes up and we have more energy to face challenges. When we are surprised, our eyes widen, helping us take in more information. Our bodies are like a product of ancient design, it’s 50,000 generations old. But in the last 5-10 generations, our lifestyle has changed a lot. Our bodies are a bit slow to catch up, and that's when things go out of control if our emotions don't match the situation. Picture your mind having two parts. One is the emotional mind which is impulsive and acts fast and the other is the rational mind which takes its time to think about stuff. Trouble happens when the emotional mind acts first before the rational brain can decide what's a good thing to do. That's emotional hijacking—your emotions taking over before your logical brain can step in. Usually, emotions help us make smart decisions, like choosing a partner or sorting out priorities. But sometimes strong feelings can mess with clear thinking. So, while emotions are important, they can take control of our minds and disrupt our logical thinking. We need to have a method to manage them more effectively.
Key Lesson #2: Emotional Intelligence will help you achieve your goals
So, how do you deal with emotions without them taking over?
The answer is emotional intelligence. It's like having a manual for handling your feelings instead of them handling you. First off, you've got to know what you're feeling. Recognizing and naming your emotions is key. Studies show that people who can't do this are more likely to explode in anger. Once you've identified your feelings, figure out where they're coming from. Sometimes how you feel about a situation depends on how you think about it. Like if you bump into a friend who doesn't say hi, you might think they're avoiding you. But maybe they just didn't notice you because they were lost in thought. As you get the hang of understanding and dealing with your feelings, Emotional intelligence helps you focus on your goals. Let's say you have a boring school assignment, but there's a film festival you'd rather go to. Emotional intelligence helps you navigate these mixed feelings. Maybe a certain topic in the assignment will interest you. Also, being aware of how the festival feels on you, you can delay the excitement and save the opportunity for fun for another occasion. People who can control their emotions and work like this often do well in life, even if they have lower IQs.
Key Lesson #3: There are ways that you can boost your Emotional Intelligence
Alright, so you know emotional intelligence is a game-changer. Now, can you boost it? Totally. First up, if you want to understand yourself better and manage your feelings, try talking to yourself. It will help you identify and name your feelings. Let's say your best friend tells everyone about his marriage problems but only you don't know. You feel left out and kinda mad. Ask yourself, "Why am I upset?" Maybe it's because you think he's ignoring you. Now, having identified this feeling and its source, you can work on it to reduce the negativity. You might say to yourself, maybe he doesn’t want to bother you when you're busy. Seeing it from a different angle can make you feel better.
If you want to improve your empathy, try copying someone's body language. It's like emotions in motion. Gestures don't just reflect emotions, it creates them. For example, by mimicking a person's relaxed posture, you can create a sense of relaxation within yourself.
To boost your positivity, think like this: Your wins and fails are in your hands. If you believe your success or failure is on you, not the world, you're more likely to keep going. Those who blame everything on external stuff are quick to give up. So, if you want to crush it, get rid of the "I have no control" mindset. You're the boss of your life. Be the main character in the story of your life, don’t be the observer.
So, in summary, emotional intelligence is about understanding and managing emotions. First, you need to know that emotions are like your internal GPs, they will guide you in the right direction as long as you keep them in control. Also, Emotional Intelligence is a much better predictor of success than simply having a higher IQ. And most importantly, Emotional Intelligence is not fixed, and you can improve them throughout your life.